Merry Christmas Daryn

We celebrated our family Christmas last Sunday. It was our third Christmas without Daryn with us. She was always pretty quiet but I have so many memories of her at Christmas time. One time especially comes to mind was after a Christmas eve party we had with all the family and everyone had left but Joe and Kim and the kids. It was late but they were in really no big hurry to leave. I just remember her sitting on the kitchen stool with her pretty cream colored winter dress coat on with a contented smile on her face. So beautiful like an angel I thought at the time. And of course always her eyes. Just a memory now but that memory comes to me often. This Christmas she was in all of our hearts as we celebrated the birth of Jesus. How can we thank Him for coming and living and dying so that Daryn can be with Him now and so that we can all be together again one day? I guess we have to just carry on and try to do His will untill we get to go to Him. Merry Christmas Daryn, my number three.

Forever and ever, Grandma S

Daryn's eyes

Last week I was taking a walk in the woods behind our house. I walked a long time and I was tired so I layed down on a log. I looked up to the sky and all that I could think was it looked just like the color of Daryn's eyes, the most beautiful blue, a shade just like hers. And then I remembered my mom always saying to offer up to the Lord my pain when I was hurt. Well I said right out loud to God that I offered up to Him this never ending pain of missing her. The words were barely out of my mouth when I saw above me a jet, flying rather low. The sun was at an angle that shone under the plane and it looked exactly like a silver cross soaring over me. I felt that Jesus had taken it to his cross. I just said "Thank you." It was a little blessing for me. Maybe my mom ordered that one up, I could just imagine her and Daryn together pulling it off and laughing together. My two girls that I love more than anything!!!!!!!!! I'm waiting to join them. When God calls.

Grandma Sandy

Forever

I was fortunate to come across a letter written to me by my Grandma Stephens........... it was for my college graduation. She wrote:

"I remember"
Then she went on to tell me a memory of a time when I was a baby and my mom brought me over to her house and I "creeped" over to her as fast as I could and she picked me up and we rocked and rocked. She said she could still feel my little arms wrapped around her neck.

Just a little moment that she etched in her memory. She also wrote that, at night when she can't sleep that she thinks about her memories. AND the best part for me was that she signed this letter

"Love you Forever, Grandma"

Made me cry like a baby!

It IS just those little things in life, when we express our love for one another, that really matters! That IS really what life is all about.

I imagine Grandma rocking with Daryn telling her all of those special things that she remembers! I am so VERY thankful for FOREVER, that God granted to us when he gave us his only son, so very thankful!!!!

I love you Grandma and Daryn FOREVER!
Aunt Mindy

Thanksgiving Day, 2009

It is early in the morning on Thanksgiving Day, 2009. I am as usual trying to figure out how to get through another holiday without my girl. Still so many memories of the happy days that I did not appreciate, did not know it would not always be okay. I take nothing for granted anymore. My heart is so heavy, so lonesome for her. The family will come tonight and fill the house with life and laughter and I will love them all but I will be looking, always looking for a glimpse of her, laughing with Taiylor and Alec, being the oldest kids and enjoying that. Just smiling at grandma and giving me a hug. I've heard it called "aching arms" it is when usually a mother loses a child and their arms physically ache for the wanting to hold that child. My arms are aching a lot today. May God lift our family up today especially Joe and Kim. May He bless us with His grace and love.

Always loving her, always missing her,

Grandma Sandy

Daryn in my dream

I think about you every day, but you have never come to me in my dreams until.....

Early this morning you came through our front door in a red dress your beautiful smile and long blond hair to meet Taiylor before school. It wasn't strange, it was as if you had never left.

I believe dreams are messages from God, and my interpretation of this dream was, Daryn standing beside Taiylor and helping Taiylor on her journey of life. Thank God you are around her, she still needs lots of guidance on this roller coaster ride called "Life" I'm sure with God and you watching out for her she couldn't be in better hands.

Lots of Love Aunt Wendy

Renew our Strength

I am praying and hoping that my family will have a renewal of strength as we wait upon the Lord. We all have work to do here, and time is limited. Certain days and times of the year are definitely more difficult than others. As school begins it holds deep sadness. It should be such an exciting time of the year, but there is this underlying sad and emotional feeling I harbor. I can't imagine what that feeling is like for Daryn's family. I just hope that Colin and Jolee will be able to enjoy this school year. I would imagine Joe and Kim must find it so difficult to send their children off to school (let alone anywhere). Lord God - Please give them strength to face each day.

Daryn I love you! I know you are in the palm of God's hands............ and I know that it has to be so wonderful. Miss your blue eyes! Love you.

Isaiah 40:31
"But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength;they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run,and not be weary; and they shall walk and not faint."

After 9-10

Today is Tuesday, Sept. 15 2009. Life keeps going on and on. Two years ago today my precious Daryn's body was laid to rest in Marne across from her first school. I go there but still cannot take it in. It's still so raw, so much pain. I just want to hold her. I remember on the raft at Bitely, she was sitting on my lap for some reason and she just let me hug her and love her. I think she really liked that. I miss her so much. I think that reality is trying to seep in but I try to stave it off. Reality is way too much pain for so many reasons. I feel like I am living a cardboard life, nothing is really real but I just go through the motions of it. I hope that I can find myself again but for now I am just skimming over life, getting to the next day. I put on the "I'm normal act." but I am not. Never will be. Probably as they say, a "new normal". When I saw the picture Taiylor posted with her Six Months poem and then read the poem I was so broken hearted, so many memories of the three, so much fun, so much love, my God, never knew, never had a clue, never in a million years could we have guessed that we would not always have the "three" with us, still can't imagine it, and yet we live it every day. What a loss for so many people, such a huge empty void in our family now. Always will be. I will love her forever and have a great hope of seeing her again because I know that she is home and safe and completely loved by her God and her Saviour Jesus Christ.

Grandma Sandy

6 months

Within 6 months we were 3
Didn't really make a difference
We didn't look a lot alike
But we really didn't care
I was tall
She was short
And he was somewhere in between
Our eyes were the only thing that looked alike
Silvery Blue
But no one believed that we were here for each other
Forever
It was us against the World
Our armor was our hearts
Our life was our sword
And with each other
We were an army
Of 3
We told each other we were there for each other
And if we lost 1 of us
We wouldn't know what to do
Well,
It happened
A life was taken
We breathed
We lost her
We wanted her back
But we knew we would have to fight in an army
Now of 2
But we knew
We will never be alone
Our life has changed, there's no doubt
But we found something to live for
To breath for
To wake up every morning for
And go through our lives
We do it
All for
Her
Her spirit
Her life she lived
Her memories she left
For us to
Keep
We breath
We wake
We love
HER!

by Taiylor Camp

"The Bread of Life"

Think about it, "The Bread of Life"!! We eat some source of food every day to give us energy to live within our human bodies. But God gave us the true bread of life....... that which sustains us in our true life, our EVERLASTING life. What a gift!! Daryn was on my mind this morning as we sang this song. I am so thankful that Daryn chose Jesus for her "bread"!! "I AM the Bread of Life" I am the bread of life He who comes to Me shall not hunger He who believes in Me shall not thirst No one can come to Me Unless the Father draw him And I will raise him up And I will raise him up And I will raise him up on the last day The bread that I will give Is My flesh for the life of the world And he who eats of this bread He shall live for ever He shall live for ever Unless you eat Of the flesh of the Son of Man And drink of His blood And drink of His blood You shall not have life within you

I am the resurrection I am the life He who believes in Me Even if he die He shall live for ever

© 1971 G. I. A. Publications

Just the other day I was picking up a piece of paper from Kaila's bedroom floor. I opened it to read on one side:

"Daryn"
Daryn is my cusin
I Love her

and then I turned it over and it says:

"family, Love, care, and hrt"


Sometimes my daughter helps me understand things in her 7 year old mind that I just don't understand. Hurt (or "hrt") is in the same sentence as family, Love, and care.............. You can't have one without the other. We still think about and talk about Daryn often, and always will. We will never forget her sweet, somewhat timid smile!!

As the Mills/Busman family loses their 11 year old daughter/granddaughter/niece/cousin to bacterial meningitis............. I can't help but feel a very heavy heart for them and their loss. It is so painful. Through this pain and with this pain, it is evident that Faith in Jesus Christ as our Savior gives us Hope. As Daryn loved and knew Jesus, I read in Mackenzie's obituary that she too, gave her profession of Faith just this year.

As Jesus said, My Peace I leave you My Peace I give you, what a blessing to be left with PEACE in our hearts. If you haven't already found it, please find the PEACE in your heart, it is there!! With a closer relationship with God you will find it and it WILL give you REST.

July 4, 2009

July 4 2009, how could it be here and gone already. The last time that Daryn watched the fire works over Bitely lake was July 4, 2007. They were truly spetacular that year. We were all so thrilled with the display. I remember it like it was a second ago. I see her smile. I remember I wanted to make sure we saw them good so we all (Joe and Kim, Daryn, Colin, Jolee, grandpa and me) we climbed on the paddle boat, almost sinking it, and there we watched them ,wow. I so many times think that if I had only known that would be the last time. I think that but I know I could not have known and remained sane. Ironically, last year there were no fireworks at all! I think that the display of 2007 was just for Daryn. God how I miss her. This year Jim, Mindy and Kaila and Caden joined us at the lake. We did have fun and yes there was some fireworks. Bitter sweet always bittersweet. I thank God for Daryn's cousins. They all love her so and will always carry her with them. They are precious, family is precious. And so we all go on. For me, grandma it is all inside but I make myself carry on and I do have joy but my dear God I miss her so and love her so, it never really goes away, it just gets covered up for a time. So I love up and enjoy my family and pray that we will never go through this again. A grandmas heart.

A beautiful day today and I find myself thinking about Daryn, the beautiful blue sky....... Daryn always loved blue! Kaila tells me that her favorite color is blue, because her cousin likes blue. I noticed , going through Kaila's papers she brought home from school this year that she took some time to draw a dragonfly on the back of many of her schoolwork papers (I am sure that Kaila rushed through her school work so she could get to the dragonflies!). When we see dragonflies we always think of Daryn. She is in our hearts always and forever.

The Daryn Renee' Worpel Scholarship was established over the last few months. It was a difficult thing to do. I am comforted knowing that the money raised will be used to help students attend college and that the scholarship will go on and on and on............... After we are all gone, Daryn's scholarship will still benefit local students. So once again thank you all so very much for your donations, it will do good for this community for a very long time!

Addison Road, "Hope Now"

Click here to listen to the song

HOPE NOW/Addison Road

If everything comes down to love
Then just what am I afraid of
When I call out Your name
Something inside awakes in my soul
How quickly I forget I'm Yours

(PRE-CHORUS)
I'm not my own
I've been carried by You
All my life

(CHORUS)
Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free

When my life is like a storm
Rising waters all I want is the shore
You say I'll be ok and
Make it through the rain
You are my shelter from the storm

(CHORUS)
Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free

I am not my own
I've been carried by you all my life

(CHORUS)
Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free
(Repeat 2x)

(CHORUS 2)
You've become my hearts desire
I will sing Your praises higher
Cause Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free

This song is great, listen to it!! Everytime I hear it I think of Daryn, her parents, her siblings, because truly EVERYTHING rides on FAITH and HOPE for them.

HAPPY EASTER!
HE IS RISEN!!

.........because we ALL need some HOPE in this world!!!!!!!!

i hope you dance

The human brain can only hold so many memories. So we pick up little pieces of memories
in certain enviroments. So on Daryn's birthday I got a lot of flash backs with her and me.
But the one that stuck with me the most was when I went over to her house for the night
and she had a book and c.d. that had the lyrics to "I Hope You Dance" by Lee Ann Womack.
And while I was over we read and sang that song over and over again and so today I heard that song and it was a gift to me on her birthday. Thank you and Happy Birthday DARYN.

This is the song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CSUFRpkIXBY&feature=related

luv you forever and for always,
Taiytaiy

Daryn's Birthday

Happy Birthday Daryn --We love you and miss you everyday.


My entire attention is on the finish line as I run toward the prize to which God calls --life on high in Christ Jesus -- Philippians 3:14

Daryn's 12th Birthday

Love Rylie

Daryn's 12th Birthday

Happy Birthday Daryn!

Please say an extra prayer for Joe, Kim, Colin and Jolee this week. Daryn's birthday is Saturday, April 11.

It is hard to imagine what they go through on a daily basis, but I think they will need some extra prayers as they approach this weekend.

Thank you all.


**Happy Birthday Daryn, I know that YOU are happy!

Even though we miss you, more than words!!

A birthday card from Daryn

Today I was cleaning out a drawer and I saw a home made birthday card. My heart jumped a little as I wondered if it was from Daryn. I opened it up and of course it was from her. It is a beautiful card. She cut out pieces of shapes for the blossoms and the petals and beautifully glued them on the front and penned "Happy Birthday Gradma." (Her spelling) I opened up the card and she wrote " Happy Birthday to a grandma as beautiful as spring flowers!!! She signed " I love you ! Daryn. I will take that as my birthday card this year from my precious girl. My birthday is the end of April, when the flowers start to bloom. I kneeled down and cried with my heart still so broken. I love you too Daryn every day every second I love you. Their just aren't any words anymore but it's all still inside. Daryn's birthday is the day before Easter this year. It's so hard not to think how it would have been with her here with us like it should be. I love you too Daryn, thank you Daryn for the beautifurl birthday card.

Grandma S

In Sydney's words

Beautiful Girl

Missing you lots today Daryn.

A book with no pictures

I have been putting together a scrapbook the last day of things that we have drawn and written about Daryn.

Kaila was in her room working on something when she brought me a paper.
On the top she spelled Daryn in letter stickers and wrote:

DARYN

care
pray
think
Love
picsher mind
picsher

So of course I have to ask, what does "picsher mind" mean?
She responded, "It means, like when you read a book with no pictures, you can still picture her in your mind."

Which makes me think, yes Daryn is our "book with no pictures', she is in our hearts, we LOVE her, we CARE for her, we PRAY for her, we think about her we can picture her in our mind and we can look at pictures of her. All of these things, but physically she is missing from our lives.

So this list she made was the ways we can still stay connected to Daryn, even though, physically she is not with us. When we see her again, there will still be the connection. She will still be my niece, she will still be Kaila's cousin, connected through the family chain!!

I still have moments that I sit and think, I can not believe this has happened. I can't believe she is gone. I think sometimes we get busy with everyday life and then all of a sudden it hits you! It is probably hard for others to understand, but I just can't seem to wrap my mind around the fact that she is gone.

I asked Kaila what do you remember about Daryn? She said, she remembered Daryn painting her face (which the big kids did on the little kids faces for a Christmas party, they did that at Daryn's home, in her bedroom). I was happy Kaila remembered that because that is a memory that there are no pictures of. It is something she will always keep in her mind, probably because it was one of the rare times that the kids were actually sitting still. With the 12 kids, there usually wasn't much still time, they ran around, laughing, screaming and having a ball!
To have her that close in proximity to Daryn I believe helps her to remember the little details of that moment.

I often remember her standing near me the August, before, poolside, and picture her tan little body, her hands and her feet, her blonde locks of hair, blue eyes, she was a stunning looking girl! Beyond that she was stunning on the inside too, she really was. I am not saying she was perfect, because not one of us are, but she just seemed to know how to behave, how to make others feel special and how to use herself in a way that would make her parents proud of her......... and boy were they proud, but in a very humble way. Joe wouldn't brag about Daryn, but if the subject came up, I can remember him talking about her taking recorder lessons she was learning Star Wars music (of course Joe thought that was cool!). Then there was the baseball games, she was a natural in the athletic dept., Joe especially thought this was cool. His beautiful little daughter had a bit of a Tomboy side to her. She wasn't afraid to get muddy/dirty. Then there was her artistic side that was blooming, both Kim and Joe great artists, and she definitely was taking on that talent as well.

I can't imagine the loss Joe, Kim, Colin and Jolee feel on a constant basis in their lives. It is just really hard to think about and imagine!

I pray today that Daryn is showered with Love from her family. That her great grandparents that are with her right now will just BE with her until her parents arrive. I pray for her family here, that they are also showered with love from God and that they are renewed each day with a sense of HOPE that will get them through another day!

Love you Daryn!!
aunt mindy

SMILE for Daryn

Don't cry because it's over.
Smile because it happened.
Dr. Seuss

A picture of Daryn's family cat that she loved so....... Willow
(with Dr. Seuss I was thinking, The Cat in the Hat, that is why I added a picture of Daryn's cat)

Of course IT is not over, but it is a loss greater than words could ever say. Sometimes we focus too much on the loss and don't sit back to realize what a blessing and gift Daryn was and still IS to our family.

If we could turn back time and change events, in an instant we would, without a doubt.
We can't.
Today I choose to smile because of Daryn being such a special part of my life.
I know we can't smile every day, because the reality is too real and too painful.
But, for today, I choose to smile, and thank God for this gift.

I often think about how much I focus on the future with my own kids. I sometimes think......... I can't wait for when they are old enough to play basketball in High School. Or I can't wait for when they are old enough to walk to their friends house. I can't wait for the day I feel OK with them riding their bike around the block. Or I can't wait to see what profession they choose. I can't wait to see their dance recital. Or I can't wait until they can tie their shoes............................. I just can't wait.

I spend so much time thinking about these future events that I don't take time to enjoy today. The dance recital that was just displayed on the kitchen floor. The talk we had last night about "..... so we can talk to God anytime?" . The moment when my son wrapped his arms around me and said "I don't want you to fall mom"........ The argument between my kids over who gets the last cookie (although unpleasant, it ended in a lesson on sharing). All of these moments that happen every day........... I just want to enjoy these "every day moments" more and stop focusing on the future. Because my children also are a gift to me.

I guess part of it is thinking about Daryn and all of the things we thought that she would accomplish in her life (and trust me they would have been great!). So the grief this family feels is not only for the 10 year old girl we all knew and loved, but for all of the things her family had thought about and talked with her about in regard to her bright future. She was such an awesome person! She wasn't just a kid, she was a person, and a very special one I might add.

What I have learned from this is to really focus on today and not tomorrow. Be thankful for TODAY, it is a gift! It's fun to look to our future and make plans, but the only thing we truly know we have is, today.

I believe although terrible things happen in the lives of those we love, God is still the one in control, and we can't fathom the plans he has for us. The one thing I do know is that the life we live on this Earth is just the very beginning. Let us live our life to praise him and thank him in ALL that we do.

I challenge each of you to enjoy every moment with your families, even if some of these are unpleasant. Sit back and let it sink in, because who knows what tomorrow will bring.
Enjoy the moments of each day.

Daryn's Aunt Mindy

Just grandma talking

I haven't written in a while. I have been wanting to share what happened to me the day after our coming together at Daryn's grave on the anniversary of her entering heaven.

I came back to clean up and pick up candles etc. The first thing I noticed was that the blue candle in the glass jar was still burning and it was burning clean without a speck of black soot in it. I was rather in awe of that. Well then I picked up and then stood over her looking down and was telling her how much I love her and missed her when looking down I saw a beautiful red dragonfly on my knee. I just stopped and said "Oh Daryn, I know that you love me too."I will say honestly that I have never in my life seen so many beautiful colorful red and royal blue and purple and other colors of dragonflys as I did last year. I will take it as Gods gift to us and I thank Him. I think that if I pay attention and look and be open that God tries to comfort me. I just need to try to stay open to it. So many people blessed me this weekend and they don't even know it. I call them my messengers unaware. Thank you again God. I guess when you are at the bottom of the pit then He sends in the troops.

Mindy brought the Christmas tree from school to our house and set it in the living room and plugged in the beautiful blue lights. So many beautiful ornaments and messages on it from her friends. In such an short time she was loved at Coopersville. No surprise to me because she was love personified in a little blonde girl with huge blue eyes and a smile that could light the world. Well I of course cried a lot by that beautiful tree but I have grown to love it. At our family Christmas celebration, we helped all the kids make ornaments with a note to Daryn glued inside just from them to her. Aunt Holly hung them on the tree. I had written a little prayer to say after all of the ornaments had been hung but couldn't do it as we had a real hard time when Joe came to drop off Colin and Jolee. So I think I will write it now.
Father God, Dearest Jesus, Holy Spirit,
Help us to celebrate the birth of Jesus, our Saviour, with Daryn's spirit of love and happiness, ready for fun with each other, our family, everyone that she loved so much. Wrap you arms around Joe and Kim this afternoon, and bless them and let them feel our love for them. Now Daryn is with Jesus, the greatest lover of all. So if she is with Jesus now then she is with us now too because Jesus is with us. So dear Lord Jesus, lift us up and hold us high in your love until we are all together in Heaven with You. So in Daryn's spirit we will celebrate Christmas today, the birth of our saviour. Amen

I would love to say that I am healing. I probably am but don't feel it. I will say that I am very thankful to God for the little gifts that He gives me. My life is forever changed and it will be a long time before I find myself again I think. I miss that little girl in so many ways. It seems that I have a hole in my soul and I think that in time God will fill it up. I have a big family that I love and must live for them. I think Daryn would scold me for a lot of things right now. She would set me straight I'm sure. Peace and love to all that reads this. Oh and I wanted to say that Aunt Mindy has obviously been touched by the holy spirit in setting up this blog and the things that she has shared. Thank you Mindy, another one of God's messengers.

If you read the previous post this will make better sense; but also just another awesome parallel to humanity that helps us to understand the process of life, the miracle that God created, I stand in awe!


"The dragonfly begins its life as an egg. Adult female dragonflies lay their eggs in water. After about two weeks, the eggs hatch and an immature dragonfly, or nymph, emerges. The nymphs are not pretty like the adults. They have tiny wings and a large lower lip, which they use to catch their prey (often mosquito larvae). Dragonfly nymphs live in the water. As they grow, they molt (shed their skin). Nymphs of some species may take as long as three years to mature. When the dragonfly nymph reaches maturity, it crawls out of the water onto a plant stem. Then its skin begins to split. First the head, then the thorax, then the legs, and then the wings of an adult dragonfly emerge. Soon the newly emerged dragonfly is able to fly. The process takes about two hours. It takes about two days before the adult dragonfly's beautiful colors are fully developed. Adult dragonflies live only a few months."

info from the below website:
http://entertainment.webshots.com/photo/2480486740015598663Xguswh

Daryn Renee's Dragonfly

The Dragonfly: the symbol that has showed up over and over to Daryn's loved ones, actually it was a red one that returned several times.......................

"In Will Campbell's book, Brotherhood Dragonfly
He tells why dragonflies hover above the lakes/ponds. They do it, the story goes, because they come from the lake............. and their brothers and sisters are still there, worried about what happened when they left. They are trying to get back to tell them how wonderful it is to fly................"

(there is more to it I would recommend listening to what the man says, very insightful)
from:
http://keylife.org/
click on archives "thinkspot"
from 1/6/09

(Thanks for sharing Grandpa Rich, who heard this on the radio on his way home yesterday, apparently Kim also heard it on her way home)


The beautiful dragonfly that she drew, the dragonflies that have visited Joe and Kim and my Mom, wow , what a beautiful irony in listening to this...............

I always feel that she is trying to let us feel that she fine, actually, better than we could ever imagine. Not to take away any of the real pain that her family feels, because I know that it is real, I see it in Joe and Kim's souls, they are forever altered because of the pain of the loss, it is immense. But our God has a bigger plan and a better plan and I can't wait for it to come to fruition.

Another little story I wanted to share......... On my birthday I went to get a tattoo, on the inside of my left foot. I wanted to do something to help me think of Daryn, so I got a star with blue shading (Daryn's color). Then I got 2 other just plain black outline stars, one for each of my kids. Everyone always asks me if it hurt, and my answer has always been the first, blue star didn't hurt at all, but the other 2 hurt immensely!!!! Not until the other day did I realize the irony and the truth in my statement. Where Daryn is she no longer has to hurt, as the blue star that was tattooed on me did not hurt, she does not hurt, she only has to feel Love and Goodness and everything Beautiful and Wonderful that God had promised and did deliver to her. While the other 2 stars hurt, seriously about as intensely as childbirth (no I am not kidding).......... which because my kids are still human they still have and feel pain, and hurt and broken-heartedness, and loss.

We Hurt for now.

Daryn is pain-free for eternity.

For me there is some sense of comfort in that.

I look very forward to the day that her family no longer hurts, when that they will be pain-free for eternity............... but until then we have to live this life......... and in the midst of it trust in God through ALL times, the Bad and the Good.

Love you Daryn! Your Aunt Mindy